Friday, June 15, 2018

Pre Birthday Book Haul: Game Show Edition

Hello everyone. As you may know, because I am very lame, I prematurely celebrated my birthday and got a lot of Indigo gift cards. As a result, I bought thirteen books from Chapters. Just pretend that makes sense. Buuuut, because my ten line book reviews are not only supremely uninteresting but also incredibly boring, I'm going to run this a little more like a game show. Each book will be rated by me and commented on by three of my personality traits. They are Nerdy Minna, Hopeless Romantic Minna, and Supervillain Minna. I, as "Real Minna," shall be interjecting at times to provide a temper to my personality traits. Let's say hello to our hosts!

Nerdy Minna: Hi everyone! I am the nerdy side of Minna's personality. I am also the one that lashes out at strangers about bad grammar and at friends about contractions. If it were up to me, Minna would spend all her time reading and studying. But no, she just had to go and get hooked on The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Anyway, I love books that have a compelling plot line, good characters, and fantastic world building! Some of my favourite stories are The Illuminae Files and the Harry Potter series.

Hopeless Romantic Minna: Honestly, Minna should spend less time reading and more time being social. She's never going to find true love if she lives with her head in a book! I love romantic books, but the only way I will be caught in public actually reading a book is if it has a beautiful cover. I mean, the only point of reading is for the bookstagram, and Minna can't even maintain a theme because she's that basic. Some of my favourite books are The Sun Is Also A Star and Children of Blood And Bone.

Real Minna: Who let Regina George on the game show? Also, you didn't read any of those books. You just sulked in a corner over my Lorde T-shirt and comfortable pants.

Hopeless Romantic Minna: Those pants make you look like you are in the eighties, and you know it. Your fashion sense is abysmal. Maybe that is why you are not cool?

Real Minna: Maybe the real reason I'm not cool is that even the hopeless romantic flirty side of my brain still talks like she is in a Jane Austen movie? Supervillain Minna, enter stage left.

Supervillain Minna: I am supervillain Minna. I am the reason why the teachers want to call the FBI on Minna, but I just call that population control. I have a thick Serbian accent even though I don't really speak Serbian, and Dolores Umbridge and the Joker are my idols. I like all black even though I live inside the brain of someone who regularly wears her sister's pink sweater. My favourite books - and the best books - are Batman: Nightwalker and Maximum Ride Forever. Yeah. I thought it was a great end to the series. 

Real Minna: You know we hate Maximum Ride Forever, you just like it because everyone dies!

Supervillain Minna: So?

Real Minna: Let's just get on to the game show. All ratings are out of ten, because we live solely to confuse you.


Book #1: Star Wars Jedi Academy #4: A New Class (GIFTED)
Cover: 3
Plot: 2
Characters: 4
World Building: 5
Writing: 2 (Was there really any?)
Ending: 6 (It was over!)
Total: 3.5/10

Comments:
Supervillain Minna: There was no villain in this book. Also, the guy who dressed only in black was a stereotypical character and turned out to be good all along. Which was sad. But the incorrect grammar used in the story is definitely my villain origin story.
Nerdy Minna: I thought your villain origin story was not being able to find strawberry green Nestea in Canada?
Supervillain Minna: Curse your photographic memory. 
Nerdy Minna: Anyway, I thought this book was really juvenile and relied way too much on cliches for younger audiences. It failed to capture my interest and I updated Instagram twice while reading it. Twice! That's three times too many.
Real Minna: How-
Nerdy Minna: We should delete Instagram. Also, I agree with Supervillain Minna - the grammar in this book made me want to set it on fire.
Hopeless Romantic Minna: You guys are super boring! Who cares about grammar! The cover was ugly and the pictures inside were ugly, and thus we are moving on.
Nerdy Minna: I can't believe we share the same headspace.
Real Minna: We're not gonna focus on that. All the judges hated it, and we give it the average grade of half of Minna's class - 35%.


Book #2: Kiss Kill Vanish (GIFTED)
Cover: 7
Plot: 6.5
Characters: 5.5
World Building: 4
Writing: 7
Ending: 7
Total: 6/10

Comments:
Hopeless Romantic Minna: None of the romances delivered! And there was an absolutely disgusting road trip, which I cannot believe. This book road tripped me, and it wasn't in the fun Paper Towns way! It was just boring and weird. Also, Valentina is a spoiled rich girl who doesn't appreciate anything. Also also, the description of chocolate was fantastic. I love chocolate.
Nerdy Minna: Wow, you really paid attention to this book!
Hopeless Romantic Minna: Well, it did have kiss in the title. *mumbles* The cover was kind of lame.
Nerdy Minna: There she is.
Supervillain Minna: Yeah, Valentina was a super lame protagonist. She pretended to be all badass and stuff. I mean, she kissed and vanished, but where was the killing? I was promised killing!
Nerdy Minna: And Valentina is such an idiot! She leaves with no money, no nothing, and picks the most obvious alias in the world! Doesn't even bother to change her appearance! Whines about how she's so hungry and leaves the sushi restaurant without leftovers! She needs to get her act together.
Real Minna: All you guys are doing is complaining, remind me why you gave this book a solid 60%?
Nerdy Minna: Firstly, 60% is a terrible grade. Secondly, the food descriptions were great and it's set in Canada. Thirdly, it is written in a very captivating way.
Supervillain Minna: It's like a drug.
Real Minna: Goddamnit, don't get us arrested again!


Book #3: Leah On The Offbeat
Cover: 9 (Only because I can't get the freaking sticker off, otherwise it would be a ten.)
Plot: 10
Characters: 10
World Building: 10
Writing: 10
Ending: 10
Total: 10/10

Comments:
Supervillain Minna: Do not get me wrong, but I really liked this book. It was cutesy and made me feel nice inside, and I was super rooting for the main characters to get together. I saw the chemistry in the first book of this duology (companion books?) and I got it right! I think all of us related way too hard to Leah, but she was such an amazing and relatable character.
Hopeless Romantic Minna: Awww, you're finally learning! You even lost your super fake Serbian accent to gush about the book!
Supervillain Minna (in over-the-top accent): Vat? I say no cute thing! Now, if you vill excoose me, I moost goo eat some souls to make up for dis.
Nerdy Minna: Sure. Okay. Usually, contemporary isn't my thing, but this book might be one of my favourite contemporaries ever! It was nice, and cute, and fluffy, and I just really enjoyed reading this absolute masterpiece.
Hopeless Romantic Minna: I love every character and I'm so happy they ended up happy! Awww yes! I related so hard to Leah oh my gosh.
Real Minna: #RepresentationMatters. Also, this is a hella cute book. I love it. I'm losing my street cred. Oh no,


Book #4: Children of Blood And Bone
Cover: 10
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
World Building: 10
Writing: 5
Ending: 8
Total: 8/10

Comments:
Nerdy Minna: I know that this is a powerful book with a great story and a good plot. I loved the development of the characters and the magical world. But something just didn't click with me? I wasn't invested, and I didn't care that much about the characters until the end.
Real Minna: We're all being nice by making it a four star read, it was probably closer to a three.
Hopeless Romantic Minna: Yeah, and all the romance was super cheaply done. It felt like a way to just pair everyone off.
Supervillain Minna: There was adequate violence. Not enough fighting. I have had to read so many romances. When you say you have a fantasy with violence, I expect more violence.
Nerdy Minna: Several people died.
Supervillain Minna: For shock value.
Nerdy Minna: But the worldbuilding was pretty good! And the allegory the book has about racism is really important.
Hopeless Romantic Minna: I liked the characters?
Real Minna: You can stop lying to yourself now. 

Book #5: Obsidio
Cover: 10
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
World Building: 10
Writing: 8
Ending: 10
Total: 9/10

Comments:
Nerdy Minna: It was an astonishingly powerful finale to a fantastic series! But-
Hopeless Romantic Minna: They didn't touch on Hanna and Nik's romance enough, there was no creepy new threat, and too much of the book is written from the camera guy POV.
Nerdy Minna: How-
Hopeless Romantic Minna: I heard you practicing.
Nerdy Minna: Obsidio was an amazing story... it just wasn't on par with Illuminae and Gemina. Part of this could be I didn't really care about the characters, or the main romance.
Supervillain Minna: Speak for yourself. I shed a tear when Aidan died. Both times. Or all three times. How many times did he die again?
Nerdy Minna: The plot was great though. I wish we'd gotten more of the older characters, but that's just me.
Hopeless Romantic Minna: "That's just me" title of your sexy ape.

Book #6: Turtles All The Way Down
Cover: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 10
World Building: 8
Writing: 9
Ending: 9
Total: 8.5/10

Comments:
Supervillain Minna: The plot of this book is rather weak. The true villain is coupon books. It is my favourite John Green book. I killed a puppy. Also, there are some nice quotes - damnit!
Nerdy Minna: What have we said about murder?
Supervillain Minna: (hopefully) That it's a good idea and I should keep doing it?
Nerdy Minna: No! The exact opposite of that! Moving on from our upcoming lawsuits, Turtles All The Way Down was a great story that I felt captured anxiety so, so well. It was really a stellar piece of art.
Hopeless Romantic Minna: Not enough romance.
Supervillain Minna: Weak plot!
Real Minna: There was one quote that stuck with me, and it was near the end of the book. Love is both how we become a person, and why. It was decidedly powerful and incredibly insightful, if for nothing more than its truth.
Nerdy Minna: Wonderful sentiment, but aren't you just Philosopher Minna with a mask?
Philosopher Minna, pulling off mask: You guys never invite me to anything! It's not my fault I constantly think about what happens after death and before birth.
Hopeless Romantic Minna: Just leave.


Book #7: From Twinkle, With Love
Cover: 10
Plot: 9
Characters: 10
World Building: 7
Writing: 9
Ending: 10
Total: 9/10

Comments:
Hopeless Romantic Minna: I really really enjoyed this book! I loved the romance, and I was invested in the characters from beginning to end. I loved the style this book was written in and was fascinated by Twinkle's interest in film. A great story.
Supervillain Minna: I actually liked this too. (stares at feet) Who have I become.
Nerdy Minna: A definite step up from Menon's first book! I would give it 5 stars because it feels like a cupcake - a warm delicious thing to devour every single damn day.
Hopeless Romantic Minna: You have a problem.
Nerdy Minna: I know.
Supervillain Minna: Going off your point from earlier, the only thing that carries on from When Dimple Met Rishi is the outlandish name of the main female character.
Nerdy Minna: And yet I like the name Twinkle. Stars in the sky, she wants to be a director, a star. Stars twinkle. Dimple's name has no correlation.
Hopeless Romantic Minna: So you would rather her name be HTML?
Nerdy Minna: Yes.


Book #8: Girls Made of Snow and Glass
Cover: 4
Plot: 8
Characters: 8
World Building: 8
Writing: 7
Ending: 8
Total: 7.8/10 (not including cover rating)

Comments:
Nerdy Minna: When I first saw the title, I thought it was a metaphor. After reading the book, I realized just how on the nose it actually is.
Supervillain Minna: The evil stepmother is named after us, which is a win. I appreciated the evilness and moral grey areas in this book.
Hopeless Romantic Minna: Yes, the stepmother Mina is a great character. However, I was not in love with the name "Lynet." It sounds like a My Little Pony character.
Nerdy Minna: And were you not obsessed with that?
Hopeless Romantic Minna: Yes.
Nerdy Minna: Anyway, let's do a quick review of the book. Plot was a bit slow, I didn't feel a lot of connection to the characters, and the writing was emotionless but detached enough for a fairytale retelling. I wish there had been more romance though.
Hopeless Romantic Minna: Yes, it seems odd that the main romance in a book marketed as LGBT+ is heterosexual.
Nerdy Minna: I do appreciate the feminism in no kisses without consent! Yay to that!


Book #9: Eliza And Her Monsters
Cover: 10
Plot: 9
Characters: 9
World Building: 10
Writing: 10
Ending: 10
Total: 10/10 (the power of rounding)

Comments:
Nerdy Minna: Just... ALL THE YES to this utterly fantastic novel! I fell in love with the plot and the characters and Eliza and the hilarity of some of the text conversations... STELLAR. 5/5 WOULD MARRY.
Hopeless Romantic Minna: Here, I fell for the characters. I screeched in outrage when Eliza's sketchbook was taken away and almost cried when her identity was revealed and squealed when romance was going down.
Supervillain Minna: I appreciated how this was a darker book (yes) and very much related to Eliza's feelings of anxiety. Her emotions felt very real, like she could step out of the book and sit next to you.
Supervillain Minna: That is less creepy then it sounds.
Nerdy Minna: And the egg love? I love eating eggs, and book characters so rarely go into this much detail about love of eggs. Hardboiled eggs are kind of eh unless done right, but I'll take what I can get here.
Hopeless Romantic Minna: #EggLoversUnite2k18.


Book #10: The Hate U Give
Cover: 10
Plot: 10
Characters: 8
World Building: N/A
Writing: 9
Ending: 10
Total: 9/10

Comments:
Nerdy Minna: This is a great social justice book. I think that own voices books are important, and I think that stories about important issues are important, but I don't think you should support something just because it's about something important. If a book is poorly written or expresses hate towards another minority, it should not be supported. The Hate U Give is an example of a book that is about important things, is own voices, and is an excellent book.
Hopeless Romantic Minna: Damn, I really thought you were leading up to a scathing critique there!
Nerdy Minna: Nope.
Supervillain Minna: I hate institution villains because they're more terrifying than just one person. You can take down one person, but you can't take down a whole system. I think that that fear is very well portrayed in this novel.
Hopeless Romantic Minna: On a much lighter note, this book was pretty funny and had excellent familial relationships, something you rarely see in YA. Only lost a point for the eh romance that seemed to be just thrown in there.
Nerdy Minna: Despite the romance, it definitely deserves the hype.


Book #11: The Cruel Prince
Cover: 10
Plot: 10
Characters: 10
World Building: 10
Writing: 10
Ending: 10
Total: 10/10

Comments:
Nerdy Minna: I just might be absolutely obsessed with this book. Faeries, fantastic worldbuilding, wonderful writing, badass characters, a call out to The Darkest Part Of The Forest, and it's going to be a trilogy? Hear me when I say I need to read all of Holly Black's books now.
Supervillain Minna: I refuse to put us all through The Magisterium series again.
Nerdy Minna: Not that! I was talking like The Coldest Girl In Coldtown and Tithe.
Supervillain Minna: Oh okay.
Nerdy Minna: But The Cruel Prince is phenomenal! It's murderous, it's dark, it's such a good portrayal of faeries. Holly Black is queen. I love the different characters and the fantastic story and the myths and legit everything. I also like how we aren't slowly introduced to the fey from the eyes of a human wandering in, but through the eyes of a mortal who has grown up with them and has seen what they can do. The packaging for the hardcover is magnificent, with the thorns and the gold stump embossed-
Hopeless Romantic Minna: Someone please sedate her.
Nerdy Minna: My only hope for Holly Black (not an issue with this book) is that she writes a story from the POV of a faerie, because I think that could be really cool.

That is all the books we have to show you today! Happy reading, and I hope none of you get kidnapped by faeries. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go read The Truth About Forever and stick my weird mind companions back where they belong. Bye for now!

Minna Potter
Her Crooked Shelf






















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